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Review #4766392
Viewing a review of:
 Glitch - Chapter 1: Numb  [E]
Luka, struggling after his father's death, receives a message from a hacker "Nightshade"
by Kate
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I can pretty much tell this is a human story by your unique and deeply personified writing style, but I passed it through the QuillBot detector anyway. Good work; you have crafted a main character who is both flawed and miserable, an annoying brat yet someone we can’t help feeling sorry for and wishing we could whack some sense into him. His mother’s position as the city mayor sets up for all kinds of interesting possibilities… my mind can’t help coming up with wild ideas such as “did she have her husband killed for some reason? Is that why she’s so determined to suppress the kid’s grief? What’s really going on? Is she even really his mother?”

Your setup is excellent, showing us the major conflict of Luka and his mother, and the subsidiary conflicts between him and his classmates, teachers and sister (who is as obnoxious as her mother… yet honestly, the whole family is pretty messed up! Which gives me yet another wild idea: did the father go into hiding? Is he really the hacker?) I’d really love to learn more about this situation and see what happens next.

I’ll give you my usual vague tips on how to consider your story points when I’m presented with the opening chapters of a longer story. You have three main points which initiate conflict and propel the storyline forward: goals, stakes and obstacles. Increasing the stakes or the obstacles adjusts the tension, while your characters are the central engine. The protagonist needs a meaningful character arc; Luka needs to learn something important about himself or the world around him by the end of the story, which leads to a change and an overall theme or worldview which the story is built around. And the antagonist needs to be a fully formed character with a touch of backstory to lend sympathy and depth. Is the mother the primary antagonist? Then explain how she ended up being such a nasty person. Bear these basic concepts in mind as you construct scenes and events.

I loved the vivid, colorful and visceral descriptions of Luka’s daily life and emotions. This is a story which can go in lots of different directions, from a sappy “coming of age” romance to a wild cyberpunk fantasy. I look forward to reading further chapters.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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