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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4766101
Review #4766101
Viewing a review of:
 Across the street  [E]
Crossing the road to your dreams
by kaleb99
Review of Across the street  
Review by Past Member 'laharee1'
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
The title of the chapter is very attractive. The subject increases that attraction. I hope an interesting chapter. But, it doesn't fulfil that dream. Though the ingredients are fully ready, you can't capitalize on this opportunity.
Your writing becomes too descriptive like reporting. You attempt it to make a story. You may build the story through conversations. Your mentality, thoughts and duel between your profession and passion can make your story beautiful. But you choose nothing from those and make the chapter boring.
I request you to rewrite it again.
Keep writing.


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