Hi ~Sue~

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion.


Positives

This was an entertaining story that I thought was a really fun read.


Suggestions

There were quite a few places in the story where you added necessary context, but stopped the narrative in order to do it (e.g., "I should stop the story here to tell you"), and each time that pause occurs, it halts the forward progress of the narrative. I'd recommend finding more organic ways to work that information into the narrative.


Overall

Overall, this was an enjoyable read and I thought you did a good job with it. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .