Hi KingsSideCastle

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2024" .


Positives

I really liked how this entry alludes to a much larger narrative. It takes the already visceral, dramatic imagery of the picture prompt and promises that it's far from a climax to the story, but rather just the beginning. I also liked the fact that you also hinted at a much greater backstory in mentioning that this violent act visited upon the car was retribution for some unknown history. By the end of this story hook, it's clear that the scene depicted in the photo prompt is merely one piece of a much larger narrative, with plenty of story to be delved into on either side.


Suggestions

If I were being really nit-picky, I would probably recommend slightly tweaking the character element that says Jenna's "dark expression revealed this was far from over" and "her revenge was just getting started." As a standalone hook for this contest, I think it works great. But in terms of a larger narrative, it hints at Jenna being pretty cold and unlikable. Knowing that you can't fully disclose enough backstory in an item this short to fully explain her reasoning, you might consider softening the way you describe Jenna's demeanor, potentially shifting it from purely dark and sinister to perhaps something a little more resigned, or even a hint of reluctance or regret.


Overall

Overall, I thought this was a great entry for the contest. Well done!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .