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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4762094
Review #4762094
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Honey's First Day  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Tulipp* Greetings, Shaye! I am reviewing this because I am part of the Anniversary Review group. *Smile* And this month marks your 10th Anniversary!

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Tulipo* The Positives/What I Liked

         *Bulletv* Thank you for sharing this sweet little story about Honey's first day with you and your parents. I was so relieved when your Jack Russell Terrier puppy was finally found! Whew! I'm sure you were relieved, too. *Heart* Is the cover image an actual photo of Honey? It appears you wrote this nine years ago—you'd been with WDC for half a year—and then modified it three years ago. I'm curious to know how she's doing!

         *Bulletg* I loved how the beginning of your first sentence in the first paragraph is repeated again in the last paragraph: The gravel driveway crunched and crackled... Very nice!

         *Bulletp* I thought this was a very good visual in the 12th paragraph: My eyes were drawn to a small hole in the fencing, just wide enough for a Jack Russell to fit through. Tears threatened to spill down my rosy cheeks as my heart started to race with fear.


*Tulipo* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         Just a few minor suggestions...

         Both in the third and ninth paragraphs, you write my Mum You might consider *Right* my mum Being from the US, this might be an American English rule, not an English English rule, so please correct me if this is the case. *Wink*

         Other than that, everything looks great!


*Tulipo* Final Thoughts

         I enjoyed reading this story about your puppy's first day. Sounds like she was lucky to have you as her owner! Thank you for sharing. *Heart*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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