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Review #4758309
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Greetings, Olivia, and welcome to writing.com!

You have painted a grim and disturbing tale here, showing us a modern or post-modern situation in the style of the classic Frankenstein. We see a monster created inadvertently by the typical “mad scientist” who tries his best with good intentions and yet ultimately tries too hard and crosses the boundaries of what is good and ethical. By bringing life into the world without properly considering the larger impact and what the feelings of the creature itself might be, he has created a nightmare which will ultimately destroy the world.

I don’t really see anything much to modify here; the tale is bone chilling as it is. I would recommend you come up with a more detailed subtitle to help draw people in to the story, such as “the ambitions of a scientist gone monstrously awry…” or just a bit to give us more of a hint as to content. Also, can I presume that Subject Alpha died and is no longer relevant? Perhaps instead of opening with a secondary experiment, you should tighten up the narrative by leading right into the conflict between the main characters, Tryphon and Reed. And another more complicated note is to consider setting the whole thing from the restricted point of view of the scientist as he experiences the situation unfolding and feels the horrible consequences of his actions. This will help the story to have the utmost impact as we see everything through his eyes and perhaps even sympathize with his intentions.

For more information on this concept, you can reach out to Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon and request a review from him at his "Crosstimbers Review Request Form" Open in new Window.. You can even ask to join the "About the Short Fiction Roundtable" Open in new Window., where a select few of us hang out and toss stories around for advice on improving.

Formatting issues: I always recommend using Size 4 Verdana font, which can be found in the line of boxes at the top of the text entry box. First select the portion of text you wish to modify and then click on the appropriate settings in the boxes. You should also center scene dividers. The question mark between the smiley and the letter M will bring you to a handy formatting guide.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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