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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4758178
Review #4758178
Viewing a review of:
 Swimming  [E]
Meditation is at times very frustrating, a struggle against the past and the future.
by Dan Sturn
Review of Swimming  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Tulipp* Greetings, Dan Sturn! I am reviewing this because this is your anniversary month and today, you've been here 20 years! Wow! Almost as long as me. *Bigsmile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Tulipo* The Positives/What I Liked

         *Bulletv* I have to say, this is the most interesting piece of poetry I've read in a while. I read it over several times and each time I gained from it. This is really very good.

         *Bulletg* I definitely feel everyone could connect to this, in one way or another. Swimming is not only the perfect title, but a great way to describe our inner feelings as we struggle with situations in our lives.

         *Bulletp* The concept of throwing your SELF in the stream and watching from the bank, was intriguing to me! I absolutely could understand why one might consider this. If only we actually could watch from the bank, right? It's such an interesting view you have come up with. I can't stop thinking about it!

         *Bulletb* I love that first stanza, as it pulled me right in... but I think my favorite lines are toward the end:

And deep inside the groaning, underneath
the anger, pouring from the stream,
I see that I am swimming too.



*Tulipo* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         There's not one thing I would suggest to change this.


*Tulipo* Final Thoughts

         We are all swimming through life and at times loathe our inner SELF. What a great illustration you have created, describing what we all feel at times. You are obviously extremely talented. Thank you for sharing. This is very impressive, indeed.


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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