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 Review #4757960 |
 | Breaking Point  [18+] Beth struggles to find herself and her past. But can she handle the answer?  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I spotted this story in the highlighted items in your portfolio. It’s not a new story but I assume you are still happy to get reviews. That opening was quite something. The readers will immediately be intrigued by what it might mean, who the speaker is, and why it sounds so menacing. It doesn’t become clear until the end of the story, although there are hints throughout. Abby saying, You were so young when you lost him was the first one. Lost who? Beth’s fractured mind then fills in the blanks in the only way it knows how, in fragments, disjointed and desperate because the memories destroy what little is left of it. Abby was wrong when she thought that one day, Beth might be ready to talk about it; inadvertently, she had made it worse instead of better. The descriptions of what had happened to Beth were excellent, almost too good in places because there were some horrifying images, and that last line was haunting. I felt for her despite the fact that she was to blame - you made her a very tragic and relatable character.  Suggestions: I didn’t notice any errors and I don’t have any suggestions, so I’m going to use this space to point out a line I thought was particularly well done: Tonight, “you lost him,” fell into her consciousness, slipping through the air like Autumn’s first falling leaf. It wavered and flipped through the jumbled mess of her thoughts, but it started to stick. That was an amazing image and I knew exactly what you meant there, the way the words floated through her mind without having meaning at first before she started to understand them.  Final Thoughts: You chose the title well - the moment when Beth’s mind gives up trying to heal and is broken beyond repair. I liked the way that first paragraph links to the last line, and how it makes perfect sense at the end. It was a well written story and I wonder what contest it was written for and what the prompt was. If you still remember, it might be worth including it at the end so the readers know what inspired the story. Just an idea     My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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