Hi Joeman199,

This is a wonderful piece. The tone is formal. It suits the piece and plot very well. The reader is wondering where Dr. Thorne is. They will read to the last word to find out. The piece is about a high priest of Egypt who is searching for a missing man. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:

1)In a few places you have neglected to put each piece of dialogue into its own paragraph. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.

The piece is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.