\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4757707
Review #4757707
Viewing a review of:
 
Image Protector
My Friend (At 8) Open in new Window. [18+]
A story of regret
by Geoff Author Icon
Review of My Friend (At 8)  Open in new Window.
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hi Geoff Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "My Friend (At 8)" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1*  Overall Impression. Congratulations on achieving your tenth Writing.Com Anniversary. Well, in three days that is. I hope you'll be around for many more days than that. *Wink*. I wish you continued success in all your writing endeavors.

I searched your Port for something to review and I was intrigued by your title and description for this offering. What might cause regret from someone so young?

Memories of a happening some sixty years ago must either be pretty faded and suspect or firmly ingrained that remembering is unavoidable. I have memories of both types. I wonder if yours are the latter memories. You wrote: Me, crawling from beneath the limp body of her mother, feeling the table creak and tremble, and rushing to save my hamster.

The reader in me screams to know more. I feel there is much more to the story. Yes, I can 'read' into your story, but I can never know for sure. Just the words "limp body" leaves me hanging.

I have visited childhood homes--Dad was in the Air Force and moved us a lot. Your descriptions from an eight-year-old's memories to the actual locations are spot on.

*Exclaim*  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* I only found one typo:   The house next door where my fist girlfriend  fist should be first.

         *Bullet* I'm torn. Your opening paragraph was written with a number of sentence fragments. Part of me thinks they should be separated into distinct sentences. The other part says they are just memory fragments.   I lean toward the latter.  

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by
Jace
A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4757707