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Review #4757543
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hi super sleuth Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1*  Overall Impression. Twenty!! Congratulations on achieving your 20th Writing.Com Anniversary. I hope I'm still around in 2028 when my twentieth anniversary comes around. Best of luck with all your future writing endeavors. I spent a little time looking through your Port before deciding on this humorous gem.

This August I will reach the 70 year milestone. I spent yesterday afternon cleaning out a storage area and moving my things to another location. This morning I asked myself 'WHY did I do that?' Then I found your poem that explains precisely how I feel these days.

I love your title--that is what first drew me to your item. So many of the conditions you list are part and parcel of my life these days. I spent 32 plus years as the Owner-Operator of a custom cabinet shop, on my feet all day and completing tasks that kept me in good shape. Since I retired last year, I've tended toward a more sedentary life. That must change!

Having read through your poem, I must say that I felt your final stanza to be a bit abrupt. I mean it didn't feel like a suitable ending--you needed something to tie all the ailments together.

Honestly I think if you moved your first stanza to the end it would do just that. And your resulting first stanza works well there.

*Exclaim*  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* May I suggest a change to correct a meter issue with the following line?  Are nestled under a nose that drips.  Are nestled 'neath a nose that drips.

*Thumbsup* Favorite Part. There were too many things to list here. Suffice it to say well done.

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by
Jace
A new Anniversary Review signature to use, courtesy of [Link To User legerdemain]


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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