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 Review #4756875 |
 | Fifty Years  [E] A hand's caress  |
| (4.5)   Greetings, Purple Eyez Aglow! I am reviewing this because I am part of "I Write in 2024" and your post came previous to my own.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked Aw...How sweet! You've followed the prompt very nicely. Aging fifty years sounds like forever, but really, it goes by fast! I'm not quite at that point yet, but it's a-comin'!  Centering this piece works well. I like the two-line stanzas, too. The font and font size makes it easy to read. I dislike squinting while trying to read something here. Many times, I'll just skip over it because it's too distracting. So I thank you for your consideration!   Your rhyming skills are superb and didn't' feel forced at all! Nice going! My favorite lines are:A gentle touch, a warm embrace, Your calloused hand upon my face. Those lines remind me of my husband's hands, and when I read this, I could feel the roughness as you describe this. It's amazing how a calloused hand can bring such warmth.  Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderI just have a few very small suggestions/comments:  Stanza 8, Line 2: The warm caress it makes me weak  I would add a comma after the word caress. The warm caress, it makes me weak I noticed that sometimes you use punctuation at the end of your lines, and other times, you do not. Either way is fine, but you might consider one or the other for consistency. The flow in this piece is amazing, though I did stumble a little in Stanza 5, Line 1: Long and lean your fingers in mine This doesn't flow as well as the other lines, like the meter is off a little. (also, a comma could be added after lean.) Final ThoughtsI used to see anniversary pictures in the newspapers of couples when they were first married and what they look line now. It actually depressed me because they looked so different!  Now that Hubby and I are getting older, I have to laugh at my younger self.  Also, though I can't say our years together have been total wedded bliss (those early years can be challenging while raising kids), I can attest that our love has survived, and is much deeper than in the beginning. Thank you for sharing!Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 06/14/2024 @ 7:56am EDT