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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4755703
Review #4755703
Viewing a review of:
 Starlight and you Open in new Window. [13+]
My first item for the writers cramp
by Whoami Author Icon
Review of Starlight and you  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill* *Quill*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY MONTH FROM "Anniversary ReviewsOpen in new Window.*CakeP*


*Tulipp* Greetings, Whoami! I am reviewing this because June is your Writing.com anniversary month. You'll have been here for one year on the 14th! I hope you are enjoying yourself here. It's a great community! *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Tulipo* The Positives/What I Liked


         *Bulletv* I love the simplicity of this free-verse piece. Too many words sometimes feel bulky in this type of poem, so good job on keeping it simple.
         *Bulletg* I like that you didn't begin each line with a capital letter, as it flows so much nicer. I also like the inner-line rhymes scattered throughout this piece.
         *Bulletp* In your title summary, you mention this was your first entry in the Writer's Cramp contest. What a great contest, by the way. I hope you did well.
         *Bulletb* I believe my favorite lines are...

Yet the
stars too lie

         *Bulleto* Nice work! *Smile*


*Tulipo* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         I have just one little suggestion for you to consider.

they still live
million years

I think you left out the word "a":
they still live
a million years



*Tulipo* Final Thoughts

         I like how you compare this person to the stars that lie. Good job!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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