%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4755035 |
 |  | Let's Hurt Tonight  [13+] Don't walk away, don't roll your eyes; if this love is pain...  |
| (5.0)| Hi Amethyst Angel, I came here from the link on the Shameless Plug Page. Here is what you said your concerns are: "Super nervous about this! I've wanted to write it for years, but it's such a delicate subject. Does it work within the word count? Is it impactful, respectful, understandable, trite, predictable?" My response is why did you wait so long? The story is a perfect example of an excellent short story. Your characters are distinctive. It had a significant impact on me for several reasons. First, I was not sure exactly what asexual orientation entailed. Your drop cap note gave me that information. Another reason is the story is similar to a brief relationship in college so I could relate to the true love part. It was not trite because the plot was original and new to me. I was engaged with the story at the end of the third sentence. Your main plot had a plausible subplot with Shawn and what his motive was showing the pictures to Mary. I was shaking and relieved when she asked him to leave. What I liked at the start was the lovely presentation. The font style and size were easy to read. You showed what was happening, leaving some to the reader's imagination. With the name Pierre, I am imagining a French man. I loved the strong love connection they had. A simple misunderstanding could have been a lifetime mistake if he had not brought his sister home. Having so many ways things could have gone is one of the keys to great storytelling. Mechanically flawless, I would recommend your story to everyone. It educates and informs in addition to being a sweet love story. Congratulations on a wonderful piece you can be proud of. Your transitions are smooth, your word choices are sound. I was looking at the plugs on "The Hub" to provide the link for a Newbie who is anxious to have his work reviewed. If you have any more specific questions please let me know. This piece is proof you are a strong and gifted writer. Kudos to you! Write on! tracker 
  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 06/04/2024 @ 2:22am EDT