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 Review #4754401 |
 |  | The Devil's Rope - Chapter One  [13+] "The First Chapter" Contest  |
| (4.0)| A  ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. First Impression Kristina, this is impressive! Your descriptive words paint such vivid imagery throughout this piece. What a great example of show vs tell. You also left me with this chapter hanging! What reader would not be hooked, ready to turn the page to find out what happens next! Well-done. Thoughts/Suggestions  Paragraph 1: what is now known as Parker's Cabin --> what was now known as Parker's Cabin [just a slight switch in tenses in this paragraph] I had to read the first paragraph over a few different times. I was a little confused about the cabin, then realized he was building another cabin near the older one...I think. Paragraph 2: like the ocean's waves flowing towards and gently embracing the shore. [this seemed a bit wordy] A few of your paragraphs weren't indented. Paragraph 11: Though it was difficult to tell, cold sweat beads streamed down his forehead and face and dripped from his chin between the rain dripping from his hair and face. [you might want to break this sentence up a bit] Paragraph 13: lighting and the thunder --> lightning and the thunder Paragraph 15: "he's back." --> "He's back." Paragraph 16: both his and Parker's tumbler --> both his and Parker's tumblers [because there are more than one tumbler] Paragraph 20: "No, pa, --> "No, Pa, [there were a few other areas where pa should be Pa, as he was being addressed] You forgot the ending quotation mark at the end of the last dialogue line.  Favorites I loved the entire seventh paragraph! Great visuals and dialogue! I also liked how you tied in the meaning of your title here: Devil's Rope How interesting! Last Thoughts Please don't be too discouraged with all my suggestions! You are a very talented writer and there is so much to be proud of in this piece. It's a great story! If you happen to continue it, let me know. I'd love to find out more about Eli (E.E.) Also, great use of the picture prompt.Best of luck in the contest... Have a great day and...  K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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