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 Review #4754390 |
 |  | The Sandman  [13+] Love is like sand in the wind, if you plan it right.  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: You didn’t list ‘Horror’ as one of the genres, and it was only when I clicked on the awardicon (after I finished reading) that I realised this was written for the Screams contest. It certainly explained a lot!  I chose this story to review because I noticed it in your highlighted items and the title and description sounded intriguing, but I have to admit that ‘Romance/Love’ isn’t my favourite genre, so I was happy when this turned into something else. Even though it seemed to fit the genre at first, there was something about the tone that suggested it might be something else, and I thought that was well done. The story itself developed slowly - Mara met this gorgeous man and fell for him, and they spent some time together and got closer. You alerted the readers to the fact that all might not be as it seemed when she mused that love disappointed more often than it lasted a lifetime and since you had also chosen ‘Supernatural’ as one of the genres, I half suspected that this perfect man might be a ghost. The truth was actually worse. Still, the way she dealt with the issue seemed rather harsh and final.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I didn’t notice any errors, so I’m going to use this space to point out a line I thought was particularly well done: Mara took a deep breath of the morning air, savoring its fragrant blend of salty sea spray and fresh-brewed coffee. That was a great first line - you introduced the main character and gave the readers a good image of where she was and when this was happening. I struggle with opening lines so I thought this was great.  Final Thoughts: There were some nice descriptions, especially at the beginning when you were setting the scene, but also at the end when Mara took her revenge. The title was well chosen, and I liked how you used it at the beginning to describe Kyle when she watched him on the beach, but then it took on a more literal meaning. A great read!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 05/31/2024 @ 12:29pm EDT