Hi John,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is full of excitement and anticipation. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if the class will enjoy their first experience of the White House. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a child who is excited about their field trip to the White House. The story is narrative as opposed to conflict based. This is rare in literature and very interesting. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:

1)You have neglected to either double space or indent between paragraphs. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.