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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4752587
Review #4752587
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What We Fight For Open in new Window. [18+]
Two soldiers on opposing sides learn about the true costs of war.
by Jeremy Author Icon
Review of What We Fight For  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

A very thought-provoking story. It’s easy to see only the numbers of casualties on both sides of a war and forget that they are all people, men and women who have families. Olek was reminded of this when the Russian soldier not only looked a little like him and was roughly the same age, but also carried a photo of a girl, his daughter or sister, in his pocket. I was glad that Olek wasn’t the one who shot him, although he would have done if he had to.

You did a great job setting the scene and I found it easy to imagine the fighting at the beginning, the conversation between the two men and especially the part at the end when Olek gets to think about the effects of war. There were some beautiful lines, like this one, The eerie creek of a lone swing set drifted along the smokey air. It was both evocative and introduced Olek’s thoughts about his sister which foreshadowed the other soldier carrying the picture.


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was very well written and I didn’t notice any errors. I wasn’t sure if this was a standalone story or part of a longer one. I thought the story was perfect on its own, but you called it a chapter, so I expected there to be some indication that the tale might continue, or that this part might be a continuation of something else, but that didn’t seem to be the case. If it’s a chapter, you might want to include a link to the next one. If not, you might want to call it a short story, if only to avoid annoying readers like me asking about it *Laugh*


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I think it’s important to remember that all those statistics are real people, on both sides of every conflict. The message came across very well in this story.




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