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Review #4752509
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Panic In The Ballroom Open in new Window. [E]
The ballroom has some surprise visitors.
by Teargen Author Icon
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Teargen Author Icon,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I am reviewing your poem, "Panic In The Ballroom" Open in new Window., in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window..


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What I liked


*StarV* I read your title and brief description, and I took in the cute picture of the black and white piglets, but it can't have translated into a solid fact in my mind. Because when I got to the part where the piglets invaded the dance floor, it took my breath away. I laughed so much! I was expecting a warm, romantic poem about dancing with the person you love. Oh, and I'm so happy it wasn't that. That image of, "a swarm of black / and white piglets / stormed in." is fabulous. I can imagine the panic that ensued.

*StarV* You make great use of some poetic devices in this poem. Enjambment in this line is my favourite: "contented faces. Love was" I always admire this device when it is used well because I am terrible at figuring out how to use it. And this is a great example of how it's done. Also, the rhyme you use sparingly works really well. "Piglets squealed / some coupes kneeled" As well as adding to the comic effect, this helps give the poem a great pace, and in this instance, it shows your reader how the actions occurred quickly, too quick to stop the damage done.


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Suggestions


There is just one place I wasn't sure about: " ...Love was / was energy, energy was / love." There seems to be an extra was here. I would take out the second one. Actually, if it were me, I would change it to, " ...Love was / energy / energy was / love." Just to slow it down a bit before the stampede of the piglets.


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Parting Comments


This is a most enjoyable poem. I'm glad I spotted it in your portfolio. This gave me a proper laugh-out-loud, and on a grey UK morning, that is very welcome!

Happy account anniversary!


Choconut

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