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 Review #4752323 |
 | Et ex Laboratory Inferos  [13+] Orlaith knows everything. She has to escape from The Laboratory from Hell.  |
| (3.5)| Hi FalaKaye  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  I am reviewing your short story, "Et ex Laboratory Inferos" in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" . What I liked  I really like the way you slowly reveal the important aspects of this story. Gradually, you show us the dangerous situation that Orlaith is in. The tunnels, Orlaith's medicine, Dean's uniform ... these all leave your reader questioning the world this story is set in. By the end, I'm still not sure. I feel like there could be a much longer story about this, using this scene as the beginning. I would love to know what the laboratory is doing tests or experiments on, and what happens to those who open the red door. I was really intrigued by the backstory between Orlaith and Dean. At first, I thought they were friends. But, then, Dean had a gun placed in Orlaith's back. But he seemed really remorseful about it. From the dialogue between, I think they have maybe been friends for a long time, but Dean has actually been working for the enemy (whoever that may be). Orlaith has come to understand that, but Dean seems to really like her. I think he may be a little in love with her. But his loyalties lie with the organization. He defends them for every ill they have done. I would love to know more about that. It's a great premise.Suggestions I wondered whether this story is written from a prompt. As you have bolded the first sentence, I'm guessing that is the prompt. It would be nice if you could put a link, maybe in a dropnote, for your readers to read. In terms of grammatical issues, I have a few suggestions which I have put in a dropnote. Grammar Suggestions ▼ Parting Comments This is an interesting story. It's very creative, and I love the imagination you have used. I'm intrigued to know what world this is set in and what will happen to Orlaith and Dean. Choconut     My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Firstly, when you have speech and you end it with a dialogue tag like he said, the first letter of the pronoun should not be capitalised. So, for example, " ...what the hell are you thinking!" He roared at me." It should be he roared. 
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