I like the structure of this piece, particularly the fact that it was a connected paragraph. It was an unusual form for a poem, but I quite liked it and thought it was very creative.

This is just a small thing that's not even specifically about the poem itself, but since the intro references the fact that it was written for a contest and, in that case, it would be great to know some more particulars about that (if there was a particular prompt, poetic form that was being followed, line count, etc.). Sometimes that context can help readers better understand your creative choices.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem and thought you did a great job with it. Well done!