\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4750633
Review #4750633
Viewing a review of:
 Tribute  Open in new Window. [E]
Returning from Brazil, an adventure seeker attends an annoying welcome home party.
by debmiller1 Author Icon
Review of Tribute  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi debmiller1 Author Icon,

I am reviewing your short story, "Tribute " Open in new Window., as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.


What I liked: The humour in this story is fab. It really made me laugh.

*Bulletv* You have a great character study here, in terms of Daniel. Everything about him is spoiled child behaviour. He is desperate for attention, and he tells his stories about the Amazon to highlight how wonderful he is, but Cory keeps stealing the show. It made me laugh how Cory continued interrupting Daniel, despite the filthy looks his friend was giving him. Even how you say Daniel had a, "smile so intense his face hurt." That shows us instantly how Daniel is putting on a show, trying too hard because he wants people to fawn over him. He is indignant with rage by the end, and if I were Cory, I think I'd be sleeping with one eye open that night.

*Bulletv* Your description of the setting is great. I imagine a sunny day, blue skies, the swimming pool and lawn chairs. It sounds like Heaven right now. The clothes people are wearing all make this place seem vibrant and buzzing with life.

*Bulletv* Cory must be making Daniel look stupid on purpose, right? Either that, or he is the dumbest person ever. He must know what he is doing. Which makes it even funnier because he acts to innocently, as though he has no idea. I like that Cory has a crowd of people surrounding him by the end, with women lapping up every word he says. When he waved at Daniel, it was so funny.


Suggestions: A couple of things. "Daniel frowned at Cory who’s dazzling smile dropped instantly ..." It should be whose not who's. Then, in he same sentence, you have missed a space here, " ...from his faceand looked puzzled." Lastly, " ...but the cater is ready to server dinner." I think it should be caterer.


Parting comments: This is a funny story. Daniel is so jealous of Cory, and all Cory does is wind him up. It's brilliant. Very enjoyable.


Choconut
New sig. for WDC Power Reviewers.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4750633