I thought you did a good job with the detail and description in this piece. The reader gets a clear sense of the setting and the atmosphere, which really goes a long way to creating an engaging narrative.

Some of the plot elements are a little unclear, like why Ms. Lynette would hire Jonathan May to be her live-in memoirist when he admitted to having never written someone's life story before. Or why Jonathan would agree to do it seemingly on a whim, especially after just finding out that Ms. Lynette can seemingly read minds. By establishing a little more exposition and backstory, it would help to explain why the characters are making some of these decisions which, at the moment, are a little confounding.

Overall, this was an entertaining read with a lot of potential. The execution as it currently exists needs substantial work to iron out some of the open questions and confusing elements, but it was otherwise enjoyable and interesting. I'm definitely curious as to where the story goes from here!