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Review #4749609
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I found this chapter using the Random Read and Review button. I’m not sure as yet how much more of the story you have posted here, as I see you must be a newcomer.

Ah, this is interesting. It reminds me of the dynamics of a story I’ve had in my own head for many years… the three way tension, the cool, unnerving demeanor of the mysterious billionaire, the hidden secrets and things hinted at. You’ve created a section of a story that is both trite and intriguing, as we consider the possibilities of the plot and decide we would like to read the rest of it. The writing style is a bit predictable and simplistic, and we are unsure of whose point of view the story centers around. An omniscient PoV is generally not used these days… perhaps the story would be more gripping if we were inside Erica’s head, seeing everything from her eyes only, and experiencing the strange circumstances unfolding around her.

I would recommend removing the double spaces between paragraphs… it isn’t needed on this site and tends to make the story look a bit odd. Also, I always recommend Size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability and compatibility across devices. You can click on the line of boxes above the text entry form to test the different functions. Click on the question mark symbol to open up a handbook of basic formatting.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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