*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4749312
Review #4749312
Viewing a review of:
The Lost Coin  [E]
A children’s story, under 1000 words
by Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏
Review of The Lost Coin  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Write 4 Kids clip art image

Greetings, Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏, I am reviewing this today as one of the judges for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest " . Please do not edit your item till after the winners are announced! Thank you! *Smile*

*Pencil* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Boxcheckb* Visually appealing Looks great! I love the font size.
*Boxcheckb* Easy to understand Everything flows wonderfully and is in sequence.
*Boxcheckb* Followed the prompt & rules Yes! Nice job.

*Crayons4* Plot / Internal Conflict / Goal:
         Andy finds a coin while playing catch with his sister Penny. After arriving home, they overhear their mom talking to Peter, who is at the door. Peter has lost a valuable coin he needs for a school project. Andy struggles with if he wants to give the coin back or not. (great internal conflict!)

*Crayons7* Characters:
         Siblings Andy and Penny are the main characters here. Peter joins them further in the story. (and of course, we can't forget Mom!) *Wink*

*Crayons* Dialogue:
         Great dialogue, especially between the children. Do six-year-olds really say "Oh, dear"? I'm not surprised. Kids these days have a much more grown-up vocabulary than what I had at that age. *Laugh*

*Crayons3* Setting:
         You set the stage nicely in your first paragraph, describing a lovely spring morning with sounds, sights, and scents of nature! Excellent!

*Crayons5* Technicalities:
         *Bulleto* Paragraph 17: until their Mom called them --> until their mom called them
         *Bulletp* Paragraph 42: My Dad owns --> My dad owns
                   The only times you should capitalize the words “mom” or “dad” is when you’re using it as a proper noun in place of a name, or at the start of a sentence. Otherwise, it should be lowercase. *Smile*

*Crayons2* Favorites:
         I think my favorite part of this is the internal conflict Andy is experiencing. It's very real and a great example of what we've all felt at one point or another.

*Crayons8* Final thoughts:
         Great job with this! I not only felt the conflict was good, but you also threw in a little history about the coin. *Smile* Great dialogue and visuals, too.

         Best of luck in the contest!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
Animated WDC Angel Signature for Premium Members



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/02/2024 @ 11:31am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4749312