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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748575
Review #4748575
Viewing a review of:
 
Transylvania Open in new Window. [18+]
In the heart of Transylvania
by 👼intuey Author Icon
Review of Transylvania  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi 👼intuey Author Icon,

*Dragon* This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window.! *Dragon*

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


I am reviewing this story as part of Week 17 of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window..

What I liked: You write the most beautiful descriptions. You can tell you are a poet because your use of imagery is fantastic.

*Bulletr* Your opening line is wonderful: "In the heart of Transylvania wilderness, amidst the gnarled branches of ancient pines and the echoing whispers of the Carpathian Mountains ..." Oh, wow. That is really atmospheric, and I felt like I was there, in the middle of the Transylvanian wilderness. I could feel the cold, dark and damp. As well as the danger of what lay within all of this. In your next sentence, you say, " ...etched against the bruised twilight sky ..." I had a huge smile on my face when I read this. I knew, from that first paragraph, that I was going to enjoy this story.

*BulletR* I have to confess to not being overly familiar with vampire stories. I don't think I've ever read one before, and I've only seen a handful of episodes of 'The Vampire Diaries.' So I wasn't sure this story would be for me. However, I didn't need to worry because it is your writing, and I am a fan of your writing. So, whatever the topic, I think I would enjoy it. Here is another description that made me happy: "The concrete dripped with sweat from the early morning frost." Oh, my gosh. You really pull your readers right into the heart of the story by showing us the world that it is set in.

*BulletR* The final sentence is perfection. Just after Trey and Dillon think they have killed Aidan and ended the curse, you say, "Far beneath the couch, the Blood Crystal pulsated." So it's not all over! I love that. You left me wanting to know what happens next. Will Aidan come back to life, or will Dillon or Trey give in to temptation and use the Blood Crystal to become powerful?


Suggestions: I guess my only suggestion would be to lengthen the scene where Dillon and Trey kill Aidan. Up until that point, you have taken your time and carefully showed us everything. But that scene seemed a little rushed. (I get it, though. The time constraint and word limit.) I also have a few grammatical points and typos that I will put in a dropnote, so you can read them as you wish. Or not.
Grammatical Suggestions/Typos ▼


Parting comments: What can I say? I loved this story. It was my first vampire story, and I enjoyed it so much more than I expected. Thank you for introducing me to this genre.


Choconut
My House Targaryen Sig. for Game of Thrones, 2024.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You last responded to this review 04/28/2024 @ 7:19am EDT
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