"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Jeff

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Mirror, Mirror # 21

First Impression: I think I'll pass on immortality in your world. I am not a bug fan at all and the thought of being devoured by bugs gives me the willies. I'm not familiar with glow-sticks. Are they cracked open as in broken to make them work? Do they shut on and off?

What needs your attention:
1. It was raining terribly, terribly is an adverb and doesn't tell this reader anything connectable about the rain. May I suggest In the torrential rain, we had already lost one of our crew.

What part I liked best: The first man grabbing a hold of his partner and the chain reaction happening. I've done that hiking with my daughter and she's cursed me out for making us both tumble downwards. The three men's excitement gave the reader a good visual as it was described, it felt like typical men bonding moments when they've accomplished something.

Overall impression: I thought the opening about
how great men do live on figuratively was a good lead in to the man wanting to literally discover the fountain of youth. A team of men were seeking the legends in different legions of the world until they entered Ron DeSantis territory. That in itself is dangerous before you ever get to the bugs. Your descriptive of the men being devoured reminded me of the childhood song the worms crawl in the worms crawl out in your stomach and out your mouth.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say?????


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .