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 Review #4748299 |
 | Scrivenings of the King-Beyond-The-Wall  [18+] My Game of Thrones 2024 Workbook  |
| (4.5)  This is a "Game of Thrones" review!Hello, Jeff!  Overall Impression:The story effectively blends elements of suspense, attraction, and horror, delivering a compelling and unexpected twist that shifts the genre from a romantic or seductive tale to a dark supernatural narrative. This is the opposite of the stereotypical story I wrote, and now I'm slightly jealous. Title and Description: I'm confident you are aware you need a better title. If not, that is one of my stronger suggestions at this time. Hook and plot:The description of Troy observing and deciding to approach Eden aligns with the classic romantic or interpersonal conflict setup. It's a well-done red herring of characters and motives. This part of the story does an excellent job of introducing the central figures and their initial interactions. The plot unfolds smoothly, with Troy's internal nervousness contrasting sharply with Eden's composed and unexpectedly assertive behavior. This contrast keeps the reader engaged and flips typical gender dynamics, refreshing the narrative and adding depth to the interaction. The narrative swiftly transitions into the realms of horror and the supernatural, revealing unexpected layers to the story and depth to the characters. The plot's shift is completely unexpected, capturing a complete narrative arc that deeply explores power, consent, and predation themes. The transition into supernatural elements is intriguing, but it could potentially feel abrupt to some readers, particularly if they expect a more traditional romantic or thriller storyline. The slightly graphic content, while powerful, might also limit the story's appeal to a broader audience. This is obviously a choice and a 'know your audience moment.' Characters and dialogue:The character development, especially of Eden, is strong. Her reveal provides a chilling climax to the story. The descriptions are vivid and enhance the story's immersive quality. Eden's mysterious allure and assertiveness suggest there’s much more to her story, just as Troy's willingness to step out of his comfort zone hints at possible growth or revelation. The dialogue is snappy and fitting for the setting, conveying character efficiently while also moving the plot forward. Eden's directness and Troy's reactive bewilderment are particularly well-drawn through their exchanges. Once the script is flipped and the story does its 90-degree turn, the dialogue effectively conveys the shift in dynamics between the characters, with Eden's lines hinting at her true intentions and Troy's responses illustrating his lack of understanding until it's too late. The ending is both terrifying and poignant, encapsulating a deep and somewhat bleak commentary on the nature of desire and exploitation. Grammar and Mechanics:The grammar and mechanics throughout this part are solid, and your sentence structure varies nicely, creating a lovely cadence that carries the story. Your use of direct speech and narrative insight into Troy’s thoughts helps balance the external actions, enhancing the overall storytelling. Any intense, intimate, and supernatural activities are handled well and integrated seamlessly into the story. There are no unintentionally jarring moments. Final Thoughts:You've effectively explored the darker aspects of attraction and the consequences of underestimating one's companion in such encounters. The story's shift into horror is well-executed, leaving a lasting impression on the reader. Thank you for sharing your work with us! JayNaNoOhNo  My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 7:34pm EDT