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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748282
Review #4748282
Viewing a review of:
 Secrets of the Coconut Cove Lounge Open in new Window. [13+]
Three men discuss something hidden at the Coconut Cove Lounge, then go looking for it.
by Detective Author Icon
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Detective Author Icon

First impression:

The title and intro line together with the chosen genres paint the picture of a whirlwind adventure to come. A sure way to draw a reader to your piece.

What works:

This is a fun to read micro fiction story. I love the names you picked for the characters. Each name helps to place these people into a time and place and enhances the atmosphere of the story. I like that finding the treasure seems to be as easy as finding the hidden room and that you left it open whether the two million dollars are still in that room - if they were ever there to begin with.

What needs work:

You could add a thumbnail image from the large library of images that StoryMistress made for us to this item. I noticed in your portfolio that you have no images anywhere, but they are easy to add and they give color and interest to your pieces.

Final thoughts:

I do wonder if the story about a sum of money that large could get that old without people trying to tear up a place without looking for it. In the end, finding the room was as easy as pulling up a board. The story also made me worried for the characters. If the find the money, one of them could try to keep it all for himself.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 8:22pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748282