%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4748281 |
 | Nobody  [13+] A Parolee meets Nobody  |
| (3.5)| A "Game of Thrones" review from  The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Hello Chrys O'Shea - Writing again First impression: The title and intro line combined with two non-descript genre choices makes this a cryptic item to approach. It gives a Western My Name Is Nobody vibe. What works: You did a good job at describing what it must feel like to be outside in the world with very few possessions and no real place to belong to. I was right there with Abby. What needs work: stopping at it's entrance  The possessive form of it is its as it's is short for it is. she looked up. Hawkin's Roadhouse. How quaint, she thought You should leave a paragraph break between Roadhouse and How. Right now, both are in Italics, which you have used to offset different things. Make it easy for your reader to track the text when you use any kind of font changes. He's been wonderin' the desert wandering. Final thoughts: Interesting twist at the end. I did not see that coming. Why were there so many parolees around though? Shouldn't Abby have seen them while she was on the dust blown parking lot outside of the prison?  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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