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 Review #4748141 |
 | The Last Train Ticket  [13+] Tanner inherits a train ticket.  |
| (5.0)| Hi Beholden , This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked ... The fantastic twist at the end.  I am want to review something from everyone taking part in "Game of Thrones" this month, so here I am, reviewing you. This story held my attention from the start to finish. The intrigue over what Tanner Topolski will inherit from his Great Uncle Gregory is great. The guy clearly lived in a large mansion, so obviously had a lot of money. So, it was possible that Tanner would have a big inheritance. However, the number of other people present for the will reading suggests that maybe his share will be fairly small. I like how Tanner sees the framed "last ticket" on the wall of an otherwise empty room. He is intrigued by the ticket, which means your readers are also interested. I wanted to know what it represented. When Tanner asked the solicitor what t was, I thought I might get an answer. But, you kept me in even more suspense because the solicitor didn't know. Subsequently, we don't find out until the end. That, in itself, is well written. But, the reveal ... oh! That is fabulous. The last ticket for Tanner is for his last journey on his way to being deceased. What I wondered was whether this meant he was dying through the whole story, and the will reading and framed last ticket were part of his journey towards death. Or, was the ticket cursed, and in owning it, he died? I think the former, but I'm not completely sure. And that is okay. I like it when stories leave us thinking about them after they finish.Suggestions: I have a few suggestions. Firstly, " ...the crowd began to thin out as people slipped out ..." The two uses of the word out stand out a little. (Sorry, another out there.) Perhaps, you could change the second one to away, or just cut it completely. Secondly, " ...although it’s colour was a little more intense ..." There shouldn't be an apostrophe in its. Lastly, "For a long time he lay awake but eventually sleep claimed him." I would put a comma before but. Parting comments: I enjoyed reading this story very much. I love the twist at the end, when we saw the conductor's "bony hand." That was fantastic. Great work! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 2:58am EDT