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Review #4748086
Viewing a review of:
 Normal. Happy. Healthy Open in new Window. [E]
A short story. Perhaps a part two in the future....
by Temperance Stone Author Icon
Review by NaNoNette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Temperance Stone Author Icon

I found this item on "The Shameless "Plug" Page" Open in new Window.

First impression:

The title is very sober and simple. In a good way. I like things that are straightforward. The intro line hints at a possible continuation.

What works:

The ending was sweet and that's where it hints at a part two to this little saga. The "Normal. Happy. Healthy" mantra is repeated to good effect throughout the story.

What needs work:

You could add a thumbnail picture from the vast library of images that The StoryMistress has made available for us.

she is smiling at her hands. She is clutching *Right* Abrupt switch in tense here. Where it says is, it should say was.

She begins to giggle uncontrollably. *Right* The underlined word here also needs to get the tense fixed.

"Critter shack" *Right* Shack needs a capital first letter since it's a name.

Final thoughts:

I am not sure if I overlooked it, but does "she" have a name? Her pronoun is in the story very often, but I can't find a name for her. At the end, the one man gets to be Mike. Now Mike is a pretty common name, but why not give her a name and if there is one, use it a few times so that the reader has something to hold on to?

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


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