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 Review #4747817 |
 |  | Little Ships  [ASR] The miracle of Dunkirk is remembered by an old survivor.  |
| (5.0)| Hi JACE , This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked ... Oh, my gosh. I loved everything about this story.  You write beautifully, Jace. As soon as I started to read this story, I read, "The fog of old age could not stem the memories that rose in my mind, like the tides on a beach south of Dunkirk almost seventy years ago." This is such a great use of simile to show your readers some of the narrator's experience. This initial paragraph hooked me and ensured I would not break free until the end. The matter-of-fact narration of the boy makes the horror of the situation even worse. You don't over-write it, and the result is a thoroughly immersive and emotive reading experience. The story itself is wonderful. I wanted to know, had to know, what would happen. Obviously, the boy survived because he was remembering the events seventy years on, but I wanted to know how the English soldiers would fare. When Owen David Henri, and died in the process, I had a lump in my throat. But, the story itself is so interesting. From when Henri is hiding in the cupboard, to when the soldiers attacked the Germans, my heart beat a little quicker than normal. In a relatively short story, you created characters I really cared about. I love a story with great characters. Your writing, Jace. Oh, my goodness. I don't think I've ever read your work before. You pulled me along in the world of the evacuation of Dunkirk in Word War II. Your story reminded me of the book 'Birdsong' by Sebastian Faulks in the way you gave the feeling of danger the characters experienced. The image and feeling of dust and being unable to see where that danger hides is clever. Henri coughs because of dust when he is in the cupboard, and he says at the end, "A boat horn shattered my reverie, and the dust that hung in my mind from the rubbled buildings cleared." I love that sentence.Suggestions: Just a couple of things. Firstly, you say the soldiers all grew up together, " ...in a small town called Lancashire." Lancashire is actually a county in England, not a town. You could use, for example, "Blackburn, Lancashire," or "Bolton, Lancashire." Moving on to the text. "Aider! S'il vous plait!" "Aider" should be "aidez" if the boy is shouting for help. In fact, he would probably shout, "M'aidez" - "Help me." Also, you have typo here: "Apparently, they can'y commit their Armour units ..." It should be "can't." Parting comments: This story is fantastic. I am officially a fan of your writing, and I will endeavour to read more in the future! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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