"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Naomi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: My Room With A View,

First Impression: This is a simplistic approach to the author's existence that she is sharing with the reader.

What needs your attention: There are a lot of filter words that throw off the cadence of the poem and drag the pacing down. And some awkward word choices that made the reader stumble.
1. My room has a nice view as I open the window. It's redundant because we know the only way to have a view is either a window ore or sliding glass door.
2.When full moon, it's more lovely when night starts. If it's intended to flow from the previous line as you have it, the line should read. with the full moon it's more lovely. We don't need night because the line above tells us with the bright stars.

I suggest the author look at redundancies, and filter words.

Redundancy happens when the repetition of a word or idea does not add anything to the previous usage; it just restates what has already been said, takes up space, and gets in the way without adding meaning.

https://joynellschultz.com/2017/01/23/writing-tip-filtering-filter-words/

What part I liked best: The descriptives are pretty and offer the reader a glimpse of what the author sees.

Overall impression: The poem has potential but needs tweaking to receive a better rating from this reader. I've included a link on filter words.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Reviewing is more than hi, I like this.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .