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Review #4747193
Viewing a review of:
The Black Hat Open in new Window. [13+]
Lifelong friend, Jake and Sam finally show their true colours
by Sumojo Author Icon
Review of The Black Hat  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, I’m here to review your item for I Write 2024.

I’m happy to find a story written for the Quotation Inspiration this month, as it’s always difficult to gauge participation in the Official WdC contests until after the fact. I guess I like to see what ideas other people have to interpret the prompt, especially this one.

We have here a story of two men, friends from way back, who have a misunderstanding over the place of the friend in the home of the one he’s come to move in with. It was tastefully written, save for the one f-bomb and the sh*t (both of which are acceptable for the rating anyway) I wasn’t sure how dark it would get or how literally the prompt would be interpreted, and was relieved at the quick, blunt ending. It is written simply and clearly, drawing together the theme of good and bad as seen in the Westerns so enjoyed by the two when they were young. I enjoyed the Australian setting and the subtle reminder that Christmas takes place in the summer down under.

The plot feels rather trite and predictable, as we can immediately anticipate the danger lurking in Sam’s desire to host his friend, especially seeing as that the friend had an affair and that’s what started the mess in the first place. Sam must have been quite blinded by friendship to not realize the obvious risk involved. In fact, I’ve had that kind of story in my head for years, wondering if it would be worth writing. I also thought of something simplistic like that for the Quotation Inspiration, but I didn’t really want to deal with such a topic. My latest idea for it - before the month runs out! - is a fantasy.

I would recommend underlining the datelines in order to present a tidier organization, and also adding a few centered stars in between scenes to divide them more clearly. And I never thought I’d say this, but maybe a slightly smaller font size would give it a more “mature” appearance? I like size 4 for everything.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *Smile* *Heartg*



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