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 Review #4746830 |
| (4.0)| A "Game of Thrones" by Creeper Of The Realm  ReviewStoryline: A man is dragged to the bar by his friends Melissa and Frank; though he doesn't consider himself dance material, he hangs out at the bar. It's crowded, and he almost has his drink knocked out of his hand. Spelling/Grammar Issues: No issues Description/emotion: I liked how he was mesmerized by her eyes and even though he might not like dancing, he finds himself on the dancefloor with her for more than just one song. She waved her hand before his face as he stared at her. Speechless was easy to picture and as a reader, you knew he was drawn to her. You did a good job giving glimpses of what she looked like and what the pull was for him. Overall Impression: The portions you had to include for this contest entry, were used well and didn't seem out of place. It was a little shorter than I was expecting. You had the opportunity to make this hot as she stayed in his arms on the dancefloor, their bodies close together. You could have taken that further, had his body respond, or thought about all of the things that could await him in the future with this woman. With a few little additions here and there, it would have had all of the elements of a Weekly Quickie entry. The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  
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You responded to this review 04/21/2024 @ 1:04pm EDT