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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4746764
Review #4746764
Viewing a review of:
 Stolen Identity Open in new Window. [GC]
A story for my dad
by Dice Lemonade Author Icon
Review of Stolen Identity  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon Review


Storyline: Two men have been fighting. One walks away, the other, is a mystery. Is he alive? The story follows one of the men after some time has passed. He has trouble standing for long periods of time and hasn't gotten over his injuries. His home life seems okay: wife and two kids, something that keeps him grounded.

Spelling/Grammar Issues: The only thing I'm going to point out is the spacing. To make it easier on the reader, think about breaking up the longer paragraphs and putting dialog in its own paragraph.

Description/emotion: The opening paragraph was wild. There are good descriptions of the man on the ground, unmoving, as well as the other man with his exposed knuckles from giving the other man a beating. I could picture that frightening scene.

Overall Impression: So many questions about this short story. You really should expand it. For instance. Who are these men? Why are they fighting? What happened to the man on the ground? What is the time lapse between the fight and the man waking up and talking about his home life? And I'm saying that because it's intriguing and I want to know more. As a reader, I appreciate a name to put with a character. It helps me keep them straight in my mind. Solid story.





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