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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745720
Review #4745720
Viewing a review of:
 Contest Entries Open in new Window. [13+]
Most entries are going to be E rated but some may go beyond that.
by Angelica Weatherby- Bday mom15 Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "In Distress of Time" Open in new Window.
Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
Review by JayNaNoOhNo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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This is a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review!



Hello, Angelica Weatherby- Bday mom15!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
The story creatively takes a well-known nursery rhyme and builds an engaging narrative around it, infusing it with tension and a sense of urgency that keeps the reader invested. The adaptation into a competition adds a fresh dimension to the familiar tale, making it both entertaining and relatable to a contemporary audience. I did always wonder why he fell down that hill.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The theme cleverly plays on the idea of perseverance and teamwork, drawing from the fairy tale genre to explore challenges and personal growth. The story maintains a light and accessible tone, suitable for a fairy tale, while effectively using the race as a metaphor for overcoming personal limitations and past failures.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
The hook is evident right away, as most people know who Jack and Jill are. They would want to see the context of the retelling and how it changes in the hands of a new author. The story unfolds logically without any problems.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Jack and Jill are portrayed with more depth than in the original rhyme, with a particular focus on Jack's determination and anxiety about not repeating past mistakes. Jill's role as supportive and focused adds a layer of teamwork and partnership that enriches the story. The characters' emotions and actions are well-described, making them relatable and sympathetic.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
The narrative maintains a simple and straightforward style, fitting for a story inspired by a nursery rhyme. The tone is hopeful and encouraging, with well-balanced moments of tension.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
This is a nice reinterpretation of a classic, transforming it into a story of resilience and teamwork. While building on the familiar, this story offers new insights and excitement, making it fun.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

JayNaNoOhNo Author Icon*Smile*



My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and, therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity, and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/16/2024 @ 8:48pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745720