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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4745707
Review #4745707
Viewing a review of:
 " A child of an addict..." Open in new Window. [E]
This is pt 2 of 3 pts. I was raised during the dawn of crack .
by Chaka-khan Wigfall Author Icon
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. review from
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The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello Chaka-khan Wigfall Author Icon

First impression:

From the title and the intro line, this piece appears to be autobiographical in nature. The single chosen genre is inspirational, hinting at an outcome that is positive for the author.

What works:

The short lines of the poem, narrow and constricted, add to the feeling of being trapped in a situation that can't be controlled by a child. Staring at the ceiling from a narrow child's bed in a dark room creates tunnel vision and that is well rendered here in this poem's presentation.

What needs work:

The intro line mentions that this is part 2 of a three part series, but I wasn't able to find the first part in your portfolio. At least it's not clearly labeled as part one if it's there.

There are a lot of times when there are spaces between words and punctuation that are not normal in standard grammar. There is also an instance where a word is in lowercase at the beginning of a sentence. These things could use a little house cleaning to give the poem a little more gravitas.

Final thoughts:

I thought that the poem would be less tragic and sad, but it does not strike me as inspirational. Maybe part three would do that. I suggest that you add two more genres to help others find your piece easier.

Annette
"The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/21/2024 @ 6:38am EDT
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