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 Review #4745487 |
 | A Night to Remember  [E] A short story of when i got to met my birth sisters for the first time.  |
| (4.0)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Jacqueline .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reviewing your offering "A Night to Remember" , not only for GoT, but also for
The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. Congratulations on achieving your twelfth year as a WDC member. That's no small feat among members. Your Biography tells me that you live in Australia, and that you're a very slow writer. I had to key in on that last bit--I actually write fast via longhand, but my typing is atrocious. But I'm sure you mean that putting ideas on paper in a finished form takes a long time. Right?No matter. I say just the fact that you write, whether stories from your past or figments of your imagination, writing will keep you young. I'm curious. Is this account something that actually happened to you? The only clue is your brief description. It has no bearing on my review; I just enjoy reading memoires. It makes the story more real to me. Your story is about a girl, Catherine, who was raised as an only child, later to find out she has six sisters she doesn't remember. Meeting them is the subject of the story. Your description of Catherine and her apprehension at meeting her siblings is well done. She has support of her current friends and relies on them heavily while preparing to meet a family with whom she's totally unfamiliar. Good job with displaying that apprehension she feels. I must admit that I have trouble when reviewing' fellow writers outside the United States. Obviously different regions embrace different styles of writing. For example, how we punctuate dialogue may differ somewhat from yours. For the purposes of this review, I'll refrain from commenting on punctuation.  Editorial Thoughts.  Introducing Johnnie and Mark into the story seemed to fall short somewhat. I kept thinking there should be more to say, especially after Catherine's comment about Mark.  Technical Considerations. May I suggest that you double-space all your paragraphs? Reading from a computer screen, or heaven forbid, a cell phone screen, begs for the extra white space for readers. It's an easy fix when editing--just click Advanced and Paragraph Spacing. Some of your paragraphs are double spaces; others are not. Consistency is much easier on your reader. Dialogue should especially be double spaced. My Rating. 4.0. Thank you for sharing your offering.
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