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 Review #4745425 |
 | The Wandering Child  [E] A quest for clarity leads Tom to encounter a desert traveler.  |
| (4.0)| Hallo KingsSideCastle ! I will be reviewing your work "The Wandering Child" for House Targaryen on behalf of "Game of Thrones"  Content: Written for a contest, the writer is challenged to come up with a story for a picture prompt of a boy with a suitcase holding onto a teddy bear with a dog at his side. They are all next to what appears to be abandoned railways tracks with a full moon in the sky, a passing meteor, and a lonesome clock post in the distance. Pluses: You definitely made use of the prompt in an interesting plot. I was not sure where you were going with the first paragraph, but the sudden twist that our young boy was not all as he seemed was a nice touch. Mostly dialogue heavy, we follow the journey of Tom - our main character - who appears to be searching for something. He's done his research and is sure he's come to the right place to find the answers he seeks. The banter with the boy was amusing, as he (who we come to find out is an Oracle) appears to enjoy teasing Tom until he gives him what he desires. I liked the way you mentioned that Tom would be burdened with knowledge, for who wants to know about their future and realize you'll always have to try to live up to it, whatever that might be. Tom does not seem to mind this as he takes his answers and vows to get started on whatever plans he has. So, one can assume it's good news then. Suggestions:Here are a few things I noticed while reading. Please remember that these are only my suggestions/opinions and it's ultimately up to you to choose what works best. >>"I finally found you(,)" Tom said. >>"Did you?" The child ask(ed). >>"Were you looking for a child in the middle of the desert.(?)" >>"I admit it can be farfetched (,) but I wouldn't go >>The dog barked angrily (,) but the kid put >>"I want you to show me my future (.)" >>"You have a long journey ahead of you (,) Thomas Knight (,) and a lot of hard work ahead. >>The boy squeezed Tom's shoulder gently. (maybe I'm just being too particular, but this part bothered me for some reason. I'm assuming Tom is an adult, and if you're going with the picture prompt, this is a little kid, yes? Now, unless Tom had knelt down to this kid's level, or they are of the same height, then there's really no way the child would have been able to perform this act) >>And I know you probably had to write all this within a word limit, but it would have been a nice touch to have the dog involved in some way. It is a part of the image after all. Maybe it could have been the Oracle's assistant but in animal form or something along those lines. Just tossing that idea out there in case you decide to expand on this.    Thanks for the fun read, and keep on writing!   Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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