"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Staine

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Darkness and I

First Impression: I enjoy dark poetry very much so I decided to visit this poem initially because of the title. I like the one line opening and one line closing. It brings the reader into the poem and tells them when to leave.

What needs your attention: The first stanza throws me a bit because Just me and my thoughts and the line is repeated in the first stanza but isn't repeated again to carry the imagery of being alone. If the repeat matters than why wasn't the sadness is my thoughts not repeated nor in in the final stanza don't share my thoughts. I think the poem would be powerful with the repeats reminding the reader even in the darkness thoughts thrive.

I'm also curious why in the final stanza is don't is repeated.

What part I liked best: I like the final stanza just I would tweak it like this.
I don't understand myself
or the words I might say
Don't feel the tears I shed
or the anger welling inside
I won't share my thoughts.

Overall impression: The poem's cadence is off slightly in the second stanza with the line Loneliness is the darkness I'm in. If you read it out loud, you'll see it slows.
Darkness and loneliness are mine is a quick fix.

I think the poem just needs a bit of tweaking to reach its full potential.
Anyway, my suggestions are just food for thought.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Hope your enjoying the games.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .