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 Review #4745038 |
 | Clandestine Services  [ASR] Let's get out of here! Daily Flash Fiction Challenge entry.  |
| (5.0)| Hi Jeff  This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked ...  Although short, this story has a great set-up, just the right amount of tension, and a fantastic reveal at the end. You really have packed a lot into such a short flash fiction piece. Right from the first paragraph, where we learn that the partner is working on gaining access to the CEO's office, you hook your readers, and you hooked me. All kinds of thoughts were running through my mind, like were they sabotaging the office somehow? Were they spraying graffiti? Were they hacking the computer? And, I believe, these are precisely the questions you wanted your readers to ask. You do a fantastic job with misleading and misdirecting everyone who reads this. I love the surprise ending. These two workers have been decorating the CEO's office so that everyone can celebrate their birthday. When I read this, I laughed out loud. Now, I have to say it's really realistic. Having worked in offices for many years, this is exactly the sort of surprise we used to plan for one another. And there was one person who took on the person in command for all celebrations. I guess I was kind of her second in command because I always arranged her birthday celebrations. But the way everything is organised with a military precision is so true to life. That made me smile. Suggestions: It was hard to find anything to suggest for improvement. Your grammar is faultless, and your structure really good. One tiny thing I might change if I were you: "Thirty minutes later, we finished up and cleaned up ..." The two "up"s here stood out a bit. I would probably say, "Thirty minutes later, we finished and cleaned up ..." Parting comments: This is a great, little story. I love the intrigue, and the final reveal is clever and a big surprise. I really enjoyed this story. Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/15/2024 @ 10:51am EDT