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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744954
Review #4744954
Viewing a review of:
 Forgotten colors Open in new Window. [E]
Summary of a story idea
by bas Author Icon
Review of Forgotten colors  Open in new Window.
Review by NaNoKit Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Kit's Contest and Awards G...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi bas Author Icon,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is a very interesting concept. Dreams are fascinating, and with a dream like this it would be fascinating to try solve the mystery along with the main character.

If I were Nina I, too, would be wondering where this dream came from. Was it just a dream? Is there more to it? Is it a memory from a past life, or something that will occur at some point in the future? If so, would she be able to stop it? There is definite potential to expand upon this story - all the way into book form, quite possibly.

I do hope that you do something with this at some point. If not, though, it's been interesting for me to think about, so thank you!

Suggestions:

I do have a few suggestions, dear author. I hope that you'll find them helpful!

Paragraph 2:

*Snow2* the laughters turn to screams

This should be: the laughter turns to screams.

*Snow2* and smell of burnt

This is missing the word 'the' - and the smell of burnt.

Paragraph 3:

*Snow2* There are a couple of very long sentences in this paragraph. For greater clarity and flow it might be worth splitting them up.

Paragraph 4:

*Snow2* Follow Nina,in this gripping tale...

No comma needed here.

*Snow2* that she had never imagined of.

This does not need the word 'of'.

My Rating:

I enjoyed reading about this story idea. I think it has definite potential.

I did have a few suggestions. For that reason, for now, I will give this item a rating of 3.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Write on!

Kit

House Lannister image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.





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