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 Review #4744918 |
 | By Any Other Name  [13+] The story of a lady with an unfortunate name.  |
| (4.5)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Beholden .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reviewing your offering "By Any Other Name" . This is the second of two reviews for each of the top five reviewers. (Tedious Citadel task 43.)The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. Once again, I've chosen a piece you entered into a contest. Did this contest require all the items you have cited in red? It seemed as if there were a very large number of items to cite. They really distracted me while reading. If they are needed, perhaps a less obtrusive color might work better. Still, I enjoyed your overall storyline. I could empathize with Ruby as I moved a lot while growing up and seldom felt like I fit in anywhere. I was always the stranger, the person who didn't know anything about the town or the school. And since I was smaller than most my age, I was bullied too. I also understand your motivation by using a name that people ridiculed. My dad was a Junior with a middle name of Percival. He had wanted me to be the Third. Mom, bless her heart, said NO! Your portrayal of Ruby is good. She comes across as meek yet determined not to let past circumstances dictate her future. Her apprehension about her secret being discovered is expressed well too. Kudos for your characterization of Hugh as well. He overcame his past and succeeded beyond anyone's expectations. Yet he was still humble. I like when karma works well.  Editorial Thoughts.  May I suggest you read through your story for those passive past tense references. You can easily tighten up your writing by re-wording them. For example:... surname was Spotts was just adding insult to injury. ... surname was Spotts just added insult to injury. Stoneman was explaining. Stoneman explained.  Technical Considerations.Single quote marks generally indicate that a character is thinking, not speaking aloud. Yes, she thought. That will do very nicely. 'Yes,' she thought. 'That will do very nicely.' My Rating. 4.5. Thank you for sharing your offering.
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You responded to this review 04/14/2024 @ 3:22pm EDT