\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744308
Review #4744308
Viewing a review of:
 Predictable News Open in new Window. [E]
On October 7, 2135, a predictable event happens in Lisbon.
by ChristineB Author Icon
Review of Predictable News  Open in new Window.
Review by NaNoKit Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Kit's Contest and Awards G...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi ChristineB Author Icon,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is a very interesting poem! I didn't predict the ending, and I like it a lot!

There is a disaster looming, but the people in the danger zone are distracted by another natural event. It's a rare event, and it's beautiful, and so they gather to witness it, but now something terrible is about to happen to them, and it's too late to escape... or is it? Thankfully, someone out there was ready to offer a helping hand - or beam.

You have a great way with words. Like, who knew that 1999 could fit so well into poetic rhythm? I also really like "As three o’clock passes to quarter past three" - a well-structured line with a great rhythm.

The poem is fun, creative, and it reads well. It has a nice rhyming scheme. All in all, great job!

Suggestions:

I have no suggestions about the content of the poem, but I'd like to suggest going for full punctuation. You use some - I recommend completing it. Punctuation in poetry adds to the overall clarity and reading experience. For example, it assists the reader in finding intended pauses.

If you do opt for full punctuation, I suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. That would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.

For example:

Over the brittle city
News pages ding and chime
The eclipse was brief and pretty,
As predictable as time.

would become:

Over the brittle city
news pages ding and chime.
The eclipse was brief and pretty,
as predictable as time.

My Rating:

This is a well-written, creative poem. I enjoyed the read.

I did have a couple of suggestions, but nothing major. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Write on!

Kit

House Lannister image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/13/2024 @ 11:59am EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4744308