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 Review #4744034 |
| Hi 🐕GeminiGem🎁   This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. This review is for Week 15 of "I Write in 2024" . Here are some of the things I liked about your story. As always, reading a story of yours is like falling into the company of an old friend. Your writing is warm and inviting, and it flows really nicely. I love to read your writing. And this story about a couple of dragons is no different. I loved the relationship between Brazos and Stavos. Even though Brazos isn't too sure which grandchild Stavos is, he seems fond of him. And Stavos is adorablee, isn't he? He has a lot of bravado and is ready to take on the world. But, really, he is just a kid who wants to be like his Grandpa. I love how you show his youth by his excitement over getting his first piece of treasure and by his attempt at breathing fire: You say Stavos, " took in big breath and blew it out with a few sparks of fire and a cloud of smoke. " (Although, you missed ou "a" after "took in.") Brazos is a great character, too. I love how grumpy he is. Everything kind of bugs him, but that's not surprising when his bones are starting to ache and he can't make it through the night without needing to pee. That made me laugh. His hearing is starting to go as well, but he can hear the eager Stavos arrive. I love this description of Brazos roaring at Stavos. You write, "Brazos roared, a lick of fire peeling out." He's still got it, it just takes a little more effort. I also love this description of his grandson: "'Hi Grandpa!' he said, with the eagerness that only a youngster who doesn't know better would have." Oh, that resonated with me! It's a great observation.Suggestions: The dragon's name is Brazos, right? But, in the title, and towards the end of the story, you call him Bravos. I'm guessing it was the auto correct on your computer. Also, a couple of minor grammar points. "Lately, all Brazos wished to do is nap." It should be "was nap" because this is in the past tense. Also, "Brazos hearing was not what is it once was." You've missed off the apostrophe at the end of "Brazos." Parting comments: Your story has a lot of heart, and that is what I love the most about it. It's a lovely story of two dragons who, I think, will help each other in different ways. Stavos is so cute, and Brazos is like a grumpy old man. I love them both. Thanks for sharing your story, and keep writing! Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/25/2024 @ 11:19am EDT