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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743531
Review #4743531
Viewing a review of:
~Memories of Momma~  [13+]
Story inspired by a photograph.
by Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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GROUP
The Iron Bank of Braavos  (13+)
For G.o.T. Activity
#1994693 by Gaby ~ Way behind!
"Game of Thrones Hell Fellow Writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: Memories of Momma
First Impression: This is a bittersweet, poignant piece about an eight-year old girl experiencing and then accepting the death of her mother. Just like actual deaths the timing was not convenient and it was quite sudden. How can anyone let alone a little girl prepare for this? Through a dream visit from her Mom Amanda makes sense of this tragedy and her coping mechanism is activated. She learns she can remember her parent at any time, but especially in the field of wheat. Many years later she still does this.
What needs your attention: All I can suggest is that perhaps you shorten some of your sentences. This will give each one more clarity and urgency. I know we tend to run on with some of our ideas and this translates to long sentences. We try to fit so much into our stories. If we did this we would use the word 'and' sparingly.
What part I liked best: I like this story concept, well except for the whole Mom dying and leaving the daughter to grieve part. Mommy's promise to always be in the wheat field, or at least explaining her spirit/love would be there is sweet. It is memories we remember and cherish for our lifetimes. Setting this story on a farm that defines continual life was a great idea. This is the circle of life continuum. Even without the physical presence of her mother Amanda can still flourish. You presented rich themes here.
Overall Impression: This is a sweet, coming of age story. The main character will always know and never doubt that her Mommy loved her. It plays with the reader's emotions and tugs at the heart strings. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure! What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.
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