"Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 



Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Last Fifteen Years.

First Impression: Narrative works very well for you.

What needs your attention:

I think instead of natural light sunlight would set your apocalyptic story up better. Nighttime is also natural light.

In the last stanza in the third line you can ditch the first but, it's not needed and with the second but in the same line which does fit the first but is redundant.

There's only place I feel the rhyming was forced was in the second stanza mother and smother.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the imagery in the different stanzas because it gives the reader a clear image of the girl's existence and what she's endured to stay alive without her loved ones.

Overall impression: The form works very well and the imagery flows smoothly from one stanza to the next. The rhyming worked well with the exception of the one place I noted above. The story was a good reminder on how far we've come.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Welcome to the Games, Elizabeth of Mormont


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .