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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742487
Review #4742487
Viewing a review of:
 The Scheme  [ASR]
Daily Flash entry
by Elizabeth
Review of The Scheme  
Review by Jeff
In affiliation with The Free Folk  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello Elizabeth

I'm sending this review in connection with "Game of Thrones.


*Penw* Positives

This was a fun story with an amusing twist at the end. I like the fact that Sandra ended up being Ted's mother, and that she seemed as amused as anything by his attempts to sow chaos in the world. Nice work!


*Penw* Suggestions

In the first paragraph, there's a bit of a contradiction between the sentence that say Sandra "hoped that if she ignored Ted long enough he would go away," and the sentence immediately after which said that Sandra "knew there was no way she could be that lucky." If Ted had "never been the type to go away" it doesn't make a lot of sense that her just hoping Ted would go away would be effective, if all evidence points to the contrary.

Ted's scheme was a bit confusing to me, in how it would be executed. Almost every place that offers employee discounts processes the discount as part of the transaction, so I'm not sure how Sandra would be able to "keep the leftovers" with a customer because the transition would be rung up at the employee's discounted rate. Maybe I'm just not thinking of the way this would work, but it would benefit the story to have a clearer sense of how the plot would work since it seems impossible to have a paying customer pay an amount different from what they're actually paying.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I thought this was a fun, amusing story featuring a couple of entertaining characters that kept my interest throughout. Nice work!


Respectfully,

Jeff
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DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


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